Fluency is hard to achieve because it’s easy to ascertain. When you speak in an unfamiliar language, it feels like everyone sees right through you. Palpable hesitancy. Mangled words. Strange choice of sentence structure. In my mind, fluency is synonymous with fluidity — something I’ve attempted to achieve for years, to no avail.
I’ve been speaking Chinese since I was young…kind of. My parents never sent me to Chinese school. Though I can only speculate about the reasons why, I think it’s because they sent my older sister and she hated the class (and learned zero Chinese in the process). But they spoke Chinese to me at home, and I was a fast learner. Like a bird learning new repertoire, I mimicked the tones that they used and followed the rhythmic cadences of their sentences down to a T. I understood basic day-to-day sentences, and when I didn’t, I could often pick up on contextual clues to help me find my way. I also sang a lot in Chinese, though I’d have to memorize every single word phonetically, since I couldn’t read or write.
When I entered college, I decided I wanted to take a Chinese class right away first semester. But I quickly fell behind, feeling intimidated by the daily classes, 3 weekly quizzes, homework problem sets, multiple exams, and unending side quests (like pop quizzes or Chinese blog posts). I dropped the class. I ran away from it as quickly as I had started and decided to put it off indefinitely. That summer, I visited my great aunt and uncle in Beijing. I love them so much (and will be visiting them on this trip). But my great aunt was disappointed in my Chinese. 你知道你是什么吗？“Do you know what you are?” 你是文盲. “you are illiterate.” It stung, but she was right. My mother tongue and I were estranged, like a silent familial reunion dinner with your relatives that everybody dreads. I was intimidated when I tried to speak it. The number of characters I was able to read did not exceed 5.
Sophomore fall, I returned with vigor. No matter how hard the language class got, I’d stick it out not only so that I could communicate with family back home, but also so that I could connect with myself and my identity more deeply. It was grueling, but rewarding. In 3 semesters I learned to read and write, and I became much better at expressing myself (especially when it came to more formal communications).
As much as this trip is a research + filmmaking experience for me, it is also a test. It will serve as an opportunity to see how far I can possibly reach with my current abilities in Chinese. Though I haven’t arrived yet, I’m already feeling the effects. Trying to communicate with my relatives back home and writing up emails in Chinese has proven to be extremely challenging. Writing a simple text to my uncle takes up a lot of brainpower (not to mention, time). Attempting to navigate the map app is a nightmare. Sometimes, reading articles feels a little bit like deciphering a code.
Today, I was faced with a tough challenge. In order to interview the researchers who work with the Red-Crowned Cranes, I had to write up a proposal for the visitor center in Chinese, and send them a Chinese version of my resume. My uncle would help me proofread, but I knew I had to do the bulk of it myself.
I had not even begun the task and I already felt exhausted.
With the help of google translate, I managed to do it. It took me 2 hours. I had an English grant proposal so there was no real new content, just translating. The translating alone took 2 hours. Even then, I'm sure that there are many mistakes that I was not able to catch.
Though I do know that my Chinese skills have improved markedly over the past 2 years, I am also acutely aware of how I flail around while trying to find the right words to express the things that I mean. My brain is not able to quickly compute a direct English → Chinese translation word for word, though that’s what I often attempt to do.
Despite the knowledge that communication won’t be easy over these next 2 weeks, I’m determined to try, and determined to improve. I’m excited to be challenged, and I’m sure that the struggle will lead to rewarding discoveries. I’m not sure if there will ever come a day where I feel like I’ve achieved 100% fluency in Chinese, but like all things, I know that it is a journey. Perhaps one day I will look back and forget there was a time where I struggled.
Some excerpts from my translations:
A Self-Introduction
你好！我是郝玉洁，我是大三学生，在哈佛大学。我的专业是科学史和音乐，但我也在学纪录片制作和鸟类学。我热爱大自然，从小就关心环境保护。我正在写我的论文，关于鸟鸣声和生物声学。丹顶鹤是我最喜欢的鸟类。因为我非常喜欢观鸟，我也喜欢做纪录片，所以我决定来到盐城捕捉丹顶鹤的美丽。我希望可以了解他们的故事，与研究丹顶鹤的科学家讨论他们的经历。毕业后，我想我想从事保护生物学工作，重点关注生物声学和野生动物纪录片制作。我的老家是河北邯郸。
Statement of Purpose
丹顶鹤是第二稀有的鹤类。这种半水生、群居的动物每年冬天都会从中国东北迁徙到东南部，在湿地和浅水中筑巢。但随着人类活动导致淡水湖泊和湿地干涸，它们曾经适宜居住的家园不断缩小。作为一种群居、一夫一妻制、终生结合的物种，数量减少如何影响它们通常成对一起表演的隆重叫声和仪式舞蹈？这次来到盐城我将拍摄丹顶鹤，并尝试回答这个问题：首先通过生物学视角（采访当地科学家），其次通过文化视角（探索鹤的历史象征意义），再次通过观察鹤本身。我希望这部纪录片能引起人们对这些鸟类之美的关注，以及人类在保护与灭绝之间所采取的危险平衡的荒谬性。
Interview Questions
请跟我说一下您的职业生涯。您是如何开始研究丹顶鹤的？您一直都认为自己要研究鸟类吗？
Tell me about your career. How did you find yourself researching the red-crowned crane specifically? Did you always think that you were going to study birds?
这种鸟类迁徙习性的是什么？
Can you tell me a little bit about the migrational habits of the bird?
您每年在自然保护区看到多少只野生鹤？这个数字是增加还是减少？
How many wild cranes do you see at the Nature Reserve yearly? Is that number increasing or decreasing?
您从事哪些类型的实地研究？您具体研究了哪些鸟类？
What kinds of field research do you embark on? What do you study about the birds specifically?
过去 50 年来，这种物种发生了哪些最显著的变化？
What are the most significant changes that have taken place to this species over the past 50 years?
您知道丹顶鹤的文化意义吗？
Can you tell me about the cultural significance of the red crowned crane?
丹顶鹤是一种终生结合的一夫一妻制动物。数量减少对它们的歌舞仪式有何影响？
The crane is a monogamous creature that bonds for life. How have the dwindling numbers affected their rituals of song and dance?
您对该物种的未来有何预测？它们是否处于极度危险之中？
What are your projections for the future of the species? Are they in critical danger?
您与这些鸟类建立了什么样的关系？您会接近它们，还是保持距离？
What kind of relationship have you developed with the birds? Do you approach them, or do you keep your distance?
它们如何相互交流的信息？它们的叫声代表什么？
Can you tell me a little bit about how they communicate with one another? What do their calls signify?
您能否说一下这些鹤与盐城市的关系？它们是否出现在盐城市区？
Can you tell me a bit more about the relationship that these cranes have with the city of Yancheng? Do they ever appear in the city proper?
我们应该采取哪些措施来保护这个物种的未来？
What sorts of steps should we be taking to preserve the future of this species?
Tomorrow I’ll keep at it. There’s still lots to be done!
End of Log.